This has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to witness.

I have watched my daughter fight battles I never imagined she would have to face. I have watched machines breathe for her. I have watched doctors rush to save her life. I have seen tubes, drains, surgeries, medications and scars. I have watched her struggle to do things that once came naturally.

I have watched Bug hurt without always being able to tell me where it hurts.

I have watched tears fall from her eyes while trying to figure out what she needed.

I have watched her body change.

I have watched her fight to breathe, speak, eat, move and remember.

As her mother, there have been moments when witnessing it all felt unbearable.

Yet somehow, in the middle of the hardest thing I have ever witnessed, I have also been given one of the greatest honors of my life:

I have witnessed God be exactly who I declared Him to be.

The God I Preached About

Before August 6, I told people that God was strong.

I told people He was faithful.

I declared that He was a healer.

I prayed for other people and encouraged them to trust Him. I stood before women and taught about faith. I opened my Bible and spoke confidently about the power of God.

And I meant every word.

I did not call God a healer because it sounded good in church. I called Him a healer because I had already experienced His healing power firsthand.

But there is something different about declaring that God is faithful when your own child is lying in a hospital bed.

There is something different about saying, “God is still good,” while standing in a consultation room listening to doctors explain that your daughter has suffered a massive brain bleed and stroke.

There is something different about calling Him a healer while looking at the physical evidence of everything sickness has done to someone you love.

My words were no longer just declarations made from a comfortable place.

My faith was being asked to stand up in one of the darkest rooms of my life.

And it did not because I was always strong, but because the God I had been talking about proved strong enough to hold me.

Faithful Is Not Just What He Does

God’s faithfulness has not meant that every day has been easy.

It has not meant that every report has been good.

It has not meant that I have never cried, questioned, worried or grown tired.

There have been setbacks.

There have been difficult conversations.

There have been moments when I have had to advocate fiercely for Bug’s care.

There have been days when progress felt slow and nights when fear tried to sit beside me.

But through every moment, God has remained faithful.

He was faithful in the operating room.

He was faithful while Bug was on the ventilator.

He was faithful when the first attempt to remove it failed.

He was faithful when the doctors discussed placing a trach.

He was faithful when He led me to Ezekiel and told me to speak to the breath.

He was faithful when Bug began breathing beyond the ventilator.

He was faithful when she opened her eyes.

He was faithful when she recognized me.

He was faithful in her first tear, her first wave, her first words, her first bites of food and every small sign that told us she was still in there.

And He is faithful now as she continues healing.

God’s faithfulness is not measured only by whether the journey looks the way I wanted it to look. His faithfulness is revealed in the fact that He has never left us anywhere along the way.

I Have Seen Him Hold Her

I want to be clear: there is no honor in watching my daughter suffer.

If I could have spared her from every painful moment, I would have.

The honor has been in witnessing the hand of God hold her through it.

I have seen Bug survive what should have taken her out.

I have seen her body endure what seemed impossible.

I have watched her smile after days when I wondered whether I would ever see that smile again.

I have heard her voice after weeks of silence.

I have watched pieces of her personality begin to shine through again.

And in every glimpse of Bug, I see evidence that Jesus has been holding her up.

When she could not hold up her own head, He held her.

When she could not speak for herself, He heard her.

When she could not take a breath on her own, His breath sustained her.

When she could not remember everything, He still remembered her.

When I felt too weak to keep standing, He held me too.

Now I Know Differently

Job said:

“I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee.”

—Job 42:5

I had heard of God’s power.

I had read about His miracles.

I had sung about His faithfulness.

I had preached about His healing.

I had even experienced Him personally before.

But this journey with Bug has allowed me to see God from another place.

I have seen Him in intensive care.

I have seen Him beside a ventilator.

I have seen Him in the faces of doctors and nurses.

I have seen Him in family members who showed up.

I have seen Him in every person who prayed.

I have seen Him in Bug’s progress.

I have seen Him in the strength that appeared when I knew I had none left.

This experience has not made everything about God easier to understand, but it has made His presence impossible for me to deny.

The God I declared was strong is strong.

The God I claimed was faithful is faithful.

The God I told others was a healer is still healing.

Her Story Is Still Being Written

Bug’s healing journey is not over.

There are still things we are believing God for.

There are still difficult days.

There are still questions without answers and milestones we are waiting to see.

But I do not need to wait until the final chapter to testify about what God has already done.

Bug is still here. She is breathing. She is eating.

She is speaking. She is smiling. She is fighting. She is healing.

And Jesus is holding her every step of the way.

This has been incredibly hard to witness, but it has also been a sacred honor to witness.

I have witnessed my daughter’s strength.

I have witnessed the power of prayer.

I have witnessed a community surround our family.

And most of all, I have witnessed God prove Himself to be everything I said He was.

So when I tell you God is strong, I am not repeating something I heard.

When I tell you God is faithful, I am not using empty church language.

When I tell you God is a healer, I am not speaking from theory.

I know firsthand.

I have watched Him keep my daughter.

I have watched Him carry my family.

And while Bug’s testimony is still unfolding, I will continue declaring what I now know more deeply than ever:

God is strong. God is faithful. God is present. And God is still a healer.