There are moments in life that divide everything into before and after.

For me, one of those moments happened in a consultation room.

The doctors told me that Bug had suffered a severe brain bleed and stroke because of a faulty artery in her brain. My baby, only six days postpartum was fighting for her life.

They explained the surgery, the risks, the procedures, and everything her body would have to endure. Then I was faced with the possibility of having to decide whether putting her through all of it would even be worth it.

That question broke me.

How does a mother decide whether fighting for her child is worth it?

They saw scans, bleeding, swelling, percentages, and possibilities.

I saw Bug.

I saw the baby I gave birth to.
The little girl I raised.
The woman she had become.
A new mother who had just brought life into this world and was now fighting to hold on to her own.

All I could think was:

Please fight for my baby. Give her the chance to write the rest of her story.

That consultation room brought me to a place where my strength could not carry me, my understanding could not comfort me, and I could barely form a prayer.

All I had left was:

Jesus, please.
Jesus, cover her.
Jesus, guide their hands.
Jesus, keep my baby here.
Jesus, do what medicine cannot do.

That day taught me that faith does not always look like standing tall and shouting.

Sometimes faith looks like a shattered mother sitting in a consultation room, crying until she has no tears left, and still whispering:

“God, I don’t understand this, but I still trust You.”

Sometimes faith is choosing to fight while fear shows you every possible way you could lose.

The diagnosis described Bug’s condition, but it did not get to write her conclusion.

The brain bleed did not have the final word.
The stroke did not have the final word.
The faulty artery did not have the final word.

God did and does.

So when you see me praising God, understand that this praise was born in a consultation room. This praise has cried, trembled, questioned, and fallen to the floor but it still found the strength to call on Jesus.

Bug was worth the surgery.
She was worth every procedure.
She was worth every prayer, every tear, and every fight.

Bug was worth fighting for then.
She is worth fighting for now.
And she will always be worth fighting for. ❤️🙏🏾

#BugStrong #FaithInTheFight #GodHasTheFinalWord